Unfortunately, I mean the real deal running, not just the running from perfectionism in the comfort of your cozy and fluffy couch (that would be nice). You see, if I ain’t the number one, then I ain’t going to try at all. So I thought about it my whole life. The embarrassment I felt by only thinking about being second at something was so strong that I wouldn’t even try in the first place. Not so fun to live, although very safe.
Then I came across this absolutely wonderful concept of frustration tolerance. Which means that you need to get used to frustration because life is frustrating sometimes, and it ain’t going to go solely by your scenario (it might, based on my experience, it probably won’t). But how do you get willingly frustrated if you’re already frustrated by the fact that you struggle with executing everything perfectly? I guess there’s only one way, and that is to get permission to fail.
You might ask, Where’s the bureau for these kinds of permissions? In the very beginning, I might answer. So, like a small child is allowed (and it’s actually inevitable for him) to fall to learn how to walk, a beginner has a permit to fail, to learn, and to burn the ducking evidence of his beginner mistakes (I meant it, burn it if it makes you feel uncomfortable).
For me, it was running. I’ve never thought I could run, not even around my house. I was a gym girl with a seasonal love for stare master, but that’s it. In the running game, I was a complete beginner. So there was no pressure to execute a perfect running form, a long distance, or even a consistent run of 5 minutes. I actually really loved being a beginner runner because I could always stop if it got too hard and say to everybody around, That’s my first run, guys (as if anybody cares). But it gave me freedom.
And I grew to love it, actually. It gave me lots of free space for a sip of water or a grasp of air. You know by now that that could be literally anything instead of running, right? You want to make art? Cool, go be friends with the beginners at the art course or paint at home, and then burn the sketches if you don’t like them (nobody has seen them anyway). You wish to start a blog? Make a private account and post for yourself until you feel confident about your texts and graphics (don’t do it like me here, lol). You want to start a podcast? Cool, make an audio about a topic that burns your soul and delete it right away; you don’t even need to listen to it in the first place.
Create a safe space for yourself and your dreams. Give yourself permission to be a beginner. Beginners make mistakes. That’s part of the process. That’s the most fun part of the process because there’s the creativity of it all. The most exciting things were discovered mistakenly or by not knowing something about the process. Have you ever wondered why everything that has been methodically made looks so unnatural? Because it is. People love the authenticity. And by the very nature of authenticity, it includes mistakes and imperfect spots.
Look, I’ll make myself really vulnerable for a hot moment here (I hope it’ll help). For the longest time, my personal Instagram account was a dead valley. I’ve had Instagram since 2012; I’m the OG of the app. This was the time when I was in high school, and naturally, most of the followers on this account are from those school times. They know me for who I was back then. We’ve been out of school for 10 years; I’m not even living in the same country anymore, but the majority of my followers are those people. It is natural for people to compare themselves to others. But what kind of others? People compare themselves to the ones they can refer to: old school friends (do they have kids already? Who’s married? Are they happy in life? What paths did they choose?), the colleague who left the company half a year ago (where are they now? Did their salary grow? By how much? Where would I’ve been had I left with them?), the neighbor who bought a brand-new car (what are they doing for a living? Do they struggle with bills too? There are so many questions. Human brains are also pre-programmed to keep things as they are, as it’s the safest form of survival, also known as the comfort zone. Believe me, your brain will do anything to stay there. Even if there are so many things that you want to achieve, this is the reason success isn’t for everyone. That’s always a risk. So, when people around you take the risk, you start to ask yourself all of those questions. It gets uncomfortable, and you might even get jealous of their bravery. Not cool, right? The worst: you cannot blame them. Even worse, you do blame them. All of this is actively happening in your subconscious mind. Sometimes you don’t even realize it. You just think to yourself, Oh, that’s this stupid bitch again. I know she hasn’t earned all of this; it must be fake. Or whatever you call it internally to relieve yourself, make you feel better about yourself, and stop judging your life choices. So, why all of this speech? Each and every time I post now, I lose followers. Funny, not funny. On the app where you’re meant to gain followers by posting, I’m losing them. I make people feel uncomfortable. For me, it’s still in the process of finding out the reasoning behind my authenticity, which they cannot allow themselves, or rather the lack of it, but I’m determined to improve it. The way to do that is partly documented in this blog, where I try to think critically about myself. You see, I’m still in the process. Still out there, making mistakes willingly. I’ll post anyway. This is also how I grow my frustration tolerance. You’ve unfollowed me for posting? That’s fine. I’ll do it anyway. I’ll do it for me. This account is my diary, and I love it.
Here’s the message I want you to take with you this time: Try something new (or pretend to be a beginner). Be free for the first time. Better, do something that has no pressure. Something you have no emotional attachment to. Like, if you’re a painter, write a short poem (we both know it’ll be awful, but that’s the point). Burn it, delete it, feed it to your dog (please don’t), get rid of it if you don’t like it, or put it in a frame on your wall to remind yourself of your bravery. Each time you’ll look at it, you’ll remember how brave you were to step out of your comfort zone, and nobody died (wow!). Just believe me, you’ll love the dopamine you’ll get when you’re better at it (which will happen inevitably if you don’t stop). Make it a challenge or a game. For instance, for the next 21 days, I’ll do an awful sketch a day or post a cringe video on TikTok. Choose your challenge, and let me know how it goes! I’ll be happy to see you mention me on social media or just to read your comment or DM about your experience. Let’s connect and grow our frustration tolerance together!
Love you,
Lorena